I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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