there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
