So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
