Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
