So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
