thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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