I heard we made out
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
