I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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