god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
