1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
