you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
