Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
