I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish I only lived at night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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