K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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