Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
