Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just want nice things and good sex
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
