I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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