Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I believe in your delicious
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
