So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She has the best kind of daddy issues
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
