nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
