Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
