i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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