so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
