The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
