nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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