so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i dont even know how to be here
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
