you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
