WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
