I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
