If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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