I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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