Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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