When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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