Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
