one two three fourrrrnication!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I could fuck to npr.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
