I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
