2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
