dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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