so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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