508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
