Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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