you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
