I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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