apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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