it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
