Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
