I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How does one acquire holy water?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
