I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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