Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
