We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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