what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
