How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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