Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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