i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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