Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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