The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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