WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
