We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
