he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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