Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw a hot homeless man
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
