were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
