The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize