AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
