last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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