cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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