Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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