I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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