he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize