I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
