My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
