I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
