i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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