I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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